I am Apparently an Unabashed Polo-Whore

Blonde Ambition #18: See Through Thinly Veiled Envy and Laugh it Off (Because It's funny!)
I had the pleasure of being called a "shameless polo-whore" today by a seething, envious little cow. Far from being offended, however, I actually made the insult my status on Facebook. "I am apparently an unabashed and exceedingly arrogant polo whore, and I've never had so much fun." I haven't stopped grinning. I tend to wear such insults as badges of honour, mostly because this little chicky knows that such insults stem only from envy.

Blonde Ambition #19: Post a Secret to postsecret.com
If you've been living under a rock for the duration of the technological era and have yet to discover the insanely hilarious http://www.postsecret.com/, allow me to enlighten you. Basically, strangers write their most titilating secrets on a postcard and mail them away. The secret then gets posted to the aforementioned page, where millions of people will chuckle about it over their morning coffee.

Some of the secrets are unbelievable. All of them make you think. Some of them make you mad. And yet, as with gossip magazines, no matter how much you want to look away, you can't. So. Much. Fun!!

Blonde Ambition #20: Art is Strange... I Don't Always Understand it...
There is a long-running joke that goes something like this: Q: What's the difference between art and pornography? A: A government grant. I would like to add 'moaning and groaning'.

There are some really lovely nudes in the art world. They're tastefully done. Of course, there are also some absolutely horrible paintings that are more or less hardcore pornography and which shouldn't have ever been released from the mind of the screwball artist.

I suppose I simply don't understand the appeal of having a picture of a spread-eagled woman being screwed above my dining room table. Call me crazy, but I don't find such things tasteful.

Blonde Ambition #21: I Also Fail to Understand Why Porn Movies Are So Popular...
A few months ago, I watched a porn movie with a friend, more for the curiosity factor than anything else. I don't know exactly what I was expecting. One thing I definitely wasn't expecting was to be so bored that I started cleaning and putting CDs in alphabetical order half way into the movie to avoid falling asleep.

I get that sex can be fun, that men are aroused by naked women and think about sex a lot, but how are they finding these movies entertaining? It's the same thing in every scene. Sultry looks. Really, utterly ridiculous lines. Woman's top comes off. Woman moaning as though she were in labour as her breasts and her costar become acquainted. She gets into a ridiculous position, screams and screams and screams (mmm, faking it very obviously much?), and that's it, the movie goes on... and on, and on, and on... The same old thing, over and over, and then the movie ends and the laughable porn names flicker onto the screen.

The porn industry is a lucrative industry. I'm sure a lot of money is being made from lustful men who want to look at women with big, bare breasts and platinum blonde hair. Power to the girls in those films, they're making millions by catering to the largely unfulfilled fantasies of middle-aged men worldwide. But come on, chickies, you can't tell me that it's fun to moan and groan for a living? And know that creepy, balding men are watching you, freeze framing you, writing you letters in their own sperm...? Is that really worth the dollars...?

In the particular movie that I was bored almost to death by, there was one "actress" who actually looked as though she was suffering for the duration of her scene. Not suffering as in, "gee, he's just so good that I'm having trouble remembering to breathe and fuck at the same time," but more like, "oops, I'm falling off again, help me, oh, that feels terrible and really hurts, oh crap I'm out of shape and my arms are wobbling because they can't support me!". I hope that she was paid well; I doubt she was re-hired.

Pornography might have much of the world tangled up well in its web of fallacy and degradation, but not me. I'm afraid it turns me on knowing that I won't ever have to watch such a tedious movie again!

Blonde Ambition #22: My Backhand is Just Rubbish and I Need to Fix it, Now!
All my hits are good, but my backhand is rubbish. Even the horse would laugh at me if it could. In a few days, I'll post a link, and you can see for yourself. I'm the one who benefits the other team more than my own ;) That footage was from March, but my backhand is still laughable, maybe even more so because I'm a bit out of practice now! For shame.

Blonde Ambition #23: I Want New Louboutin Shoes!!!
... because I've been a neglectful little shoe-over-wearer and wrecked my favourites. It sucks. I was madly in love with them, and then I just wore them one too many times on badly paved streets, and now they're in their final resting place (at the back of my spare wardrobe with all the other shoes I've forgotten about).