Blonde Ambition #25: Face Up To My Own Fuck-Ups (Pardon the language...)
There comes a turning point in most people's lives when they look over their own actions and think, "WHAT was I thinking! Why the hell did I think that was a good idea?". I call it a Mistakavation, the sad revelation that you've made a mistake. You've navigated the map of life incorrectly and somehow ended up trying make your camp in a messy swamp instead of by the picturesque lake you had been navigating. That, or the photograph in the advertising was devastatingly misleading....
Throughout my twenty-five years on earth, I've racked up considerable life experience. I've stood atop literal and metaphoric mountains and gazed over the surrounds proudly; I've sobbed like a sad little idiot in life's deepest ditches. I've laughed and cried, manipulated, been manipulated, fallen in lust, pondered on love, searched for the meaning of life...
My Most Hurty Mistakavations:
I. It's best to leave tinkering with hearts to cardiologists
Playing with someone's heart is just the ultimate mistake. Even if you think you personally won't get hurt, you will. Maybe not automatically, but there'll come a moment one day when you meet someone amazing, who's gorgeous inside and out, someone truly special who seems to understand you better than anyone else in the world, and you'll be terrified. You'll be scared because you know in your own heart that some people play with hearts for fun. That's called guilt, and it stems from smashing someone's heart cruelly.
II. Material things are lovely, but they can't love you back
Infamously associated with greed, gluttony and luxe lifestyles, Epicurus was a philosopher, born in 341 BC in Samos. Modern society idealises Epicurean ideals... however, as with most ancient teachings, Epicurus' sage advice to society has been twisted and tampered with, and quoted out of context to the extent where the philosopher's original message now may as well be lost in a treasure chest in the deepest part of the ocean.
Those pursuing a supposedly 'Epicurean' lifestyle claim to follow the teachings of Epicurus by allowing themselves to drown in gluttony and greed. In actual fact, Epicurus didn't teach people to desire unhealthy excesses; rather he taught that it is one's friends who make one truly rich. They are priceless. It's lovely to come home to expensive things, but what's even nicer is coming home and letting yourself be enveloped in the love of a beautiful partner, someone whose soul glitters more than gold.
I haven't always been of this opinion. It was a painful lesson to learn, that things are fleeting and can be taken as quickly as they're obtained. It's wiser to invest in beautiful friends and a worthy partner than in things.
III. Mistakenly thinking that everyone in the world has good intentions
Oh hell no. Some people will hurt you. I suppose that no matter how nice you are to a snake, if you draw it in to hug it, it will still strike at you. It's true that the majority of people are lovely souls, but it's dangerous to assume that everyone is well-intentioned
My fuck-ups are now being faced. This new-found feeling of emotional responsibility is good, fun almost, mind that it hurts.
Blonde Ambition #27: Organise This Blog Into An Actual Blog
... as opposed to somewhere I whinge, bitch and muse when I can't be bothered to scrawl in my paper journal (or when it's already full of scrawl). Add some pictures, change the damn scenery, make it pretty. Initially, it was all about polo, polo this, polo that, "who do you think's going to win and how much are you willing to bet on that?", though now that the topics have changed, I think so too should the layout, design and whatnot. Bear in mind, technology hates me. A lot. We've never really got along, just coexisted uncomfortably, but that hasn't stopped technology getting in a sneaky low-blow every now and then and confusing the bananas out of me. If this page no longer exists, that's how you'll know I've tried to fix it...
Blonde Ambition #28: Fall Completely, Madly in Love
I have a new crush and this one is better than ever. Hooray! He's clever, funny and good looking! I'm just waiting for him to confess that he hacks up hitch-hikers for fun. You know how it is, a man comes along and you're mentally ticking off every box, slowly growing more and more numb with fear because you're getting to the bottom of that list and he's still saying and doing just the right things. He's being charming and beautiful in every way, and you're slowly falling for his charm and wit. It's terrifying to think that someone else owns your heart. You'd die if they knew you felt so strongly, and you don't dare tell them in case things ever turn nasty. That's me, anyhow.
So now I'm absolutely in lust with a gorgeous man who seems to already understand exactly how I think, someone who makes me laugh and think in equal measures... and I'm hoping with all my all that he doesn't smash my heart, seeing as I only have one...
Blonde Ambition #29: ''Take Me to My Beach...''
... so sang All Saints in their song Pure Shores, from the soundtrack to the movie, The Beach, way back in the day when Leonardo Di'Caprio was still a honey and the Spice Girls dominated the charts.
Oh, it's beach time alright. The sun is out, I haven't eaten in forever and I have a million new bikinis. Bring on sand in the bikini bottoms, splashing around in the waves and becoming overcome with excitement at the simplest things. Shells. Chasing birds. Not standing on syringes or jellyfish. Doodling in the wet sand. Watching the sun slip beneath the horizon. Absolute bliss. Can't wait!!!
